Spongebob Does The Classics

Yeah, you know you want to see this.

The voices of Spongebob Squarepants do the classics.

I laughed. I have to stop looking up weird crap.

H/T to Need More Coffee 

Scary Monsters Rule In Cloverfield

I have a lot to say about seeing Cloverfield.

So to be spoiler aware, it’s after the jump:

Teeth

How does one explain the movie TEETH? Man, this one is either going to amuse the hell out of a bunch of folks or piss them off.

Vaginal Dentata Horror?

One can only hope it’s so bad, it’s good.

Want To Be In The Next Kevin Smith Film …

Here’s what you do.

Ever dreamed of being in the pictures – even if it’s just your shoulder, and only for a second? Here’s your chance to share some silver screen with some famous sonsabitches…

If you wanna be an extra in “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”, here’s how to do it…

1) Take two pictures of yourself: headshot and full body shot (clad, please).

2) List your personal details: age, contact info.

3) Mail that motherf*****r to…

I Wanna Be in “Porno”!
Nancy Mosser Casting
attn: Katie Shenot
239 Fourth Ave
Suite 1217
Pittsburgh PA 15222

4) Wait for response.

I’m thinking he needs Recovering Baptist in it, but she needs a starring role.

Just saying.

Polar Bears In Armor Is A Selling Point

Listen up.

I’ve never seen the “Chronicles of Narnia” although I have a copy of it here at the abode and really had no intention of seeing “The Golden Compass” but I have to say of the two that the idea of seeing armed, pissed off polar bears in battle has me intrigued. If I’m going to spend ten bucks at the show, I’m going to toss it to something classy. Yeah, I paid full price to see Slither.

Man, I love it when polar bears get all angry and wear armor and talk and stuff.

Suh-weet.

As for the whole religious argument, well, I honestly could care less. But the bears have got me thinking about this movie for no other reason than seeing a talking bear that sounds like Gandalf from “Lord of the Rings” just might be a selling point for me.

Now, natives of Hooterville who have control of the cinema, bring me the Coen Brothers film RIGHT NOW! Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium  has been on for weeks now and I’m starting to get perturbed.

Maybe I should call on those polar bears to help me with this dilemma.

Not So Scared Of Santa This Year

Today is one of those impossible days that I’m actually looking forward to.

Squirrel Queen will be in Nashville today for Mr. Football honors for all of about one hour, Hooterville’s annual Christmas parade is scheduled, there is a tree-lighting ceremony, all of which needs my attention. I’m looking at a very late night.

The tree is pretty groovy by the way. I think it will come out nicely.

You may be wondering all the Christmas frivolity here at Chez Coma. Well, here’s the deal. I want a nice Christmas. I usually am all Bah-Humbug, go screw yourself Santa and that damned sleigh you rode in on, but this year, I decided to do something different.

I decided to get over myself.

Now, I may be going overboard, but I even watched bad Christmas movies yesterday on Lifetime. I didn’t know we had Lifetime, but I did it anyway to take one for the team. (Incidentally, it’s a mistake I won’t make again. Feh.)

I’ve always done the reverse ego sort of mentality about Christmas. Grouse about it, but secretly I think I waited for something magical to happen. I have no idea what I was seeking, but it was a game that I played with myself, without knowing I was playing it with myself, if that makes sense. Expect the worse and then be pleasantly surprised. However, that didn’t work. I expected the worse and then, by God, the worse thing that could happen would.

With all of that said, I decided to act like the optimist I think I am (doesn’t sound like it though, does it) and just be one with the holidays. I am eager for it, oddly enough, this year.

In my life, the next 12 months are crucial on a personal level. I’m trying new things, hoping for new adventures and I know that these moments will never happen again. I can make myself miserable and, if you can believe this, I was all goth 20 years ago before emo and goth were even thought about. Money is tighter this year than it has ever been, but that’s not what this is all about anyway. Yeah, my family may be getting Lik-Em-Sticks as their main present, but on the other hand, we do have each other. And that’s a good thing.
So, I’m trying to celebrate the positive this year, and there is plenty of it I just haven’t been paying attention in the past. Yeah, I get tired of Capitalism Christmas as much as the next guy, but it is about friends, family and having faith in things that are bigger than ourselves, right?

So, I’m trying to toss out the negative and find those hidden treasures that I know are out there.

But no more Lifetime Christmas movies. Blech. I don’t think I’ve ever been covered in such a sugary mess that seriously made me go seek an Alka-Seltzer and a shower.

I’m trying, but there is only so much of that I can take.

Feh.

Photo from here.

30 Days Of Night

“30 Days Of Night” is one of those horror movies that has stuck with me over the past couple of days. Sometimes, I forget about movies as soon as I see them. I have mad retention skills.

But this movie did some things very, very well, and other, not so good. The good stuff it did, however, I believe outweighs some major, goofy plot line devices that fell flat for me which means it will probably stick around in my dark subconscious mind for awhile for horror geeks like myself.

All in all I liked it. A lot. Here’s why:

Spoilers after the jump …

 

Fulltime Killer

I love this damn movie.

Cheun jik sat sau, Quan zhi sha shou or Fulltime Killer.

Doesn’t matter which language you speak. It’s groovy.

Yes, indeedy.

It’s awesome, if you dig this sort of thing.

And, I do.

(The Bill Clinton mask is brilliant.)

Andy Lau, you so rock.