Bigfoot Loves You

30 08 2008

I don’t think it’s Bigfoot in this video. I’m thinking Chaka from Land of the Lost.

The good thing is that it’s a promotional video for the Redwood forest in Humboldt County.

Bigfoot has hit the mainstream. Turn the sound down, it’s Whitney. I’m warning you.





Girl Politics

30 08 2008

I’m going to take a moment to talk about VP pick Sarah Palin.

There isn’t any doubt she is a pretty incredible woman (now that I know who she is) with five children, a meteoric rise apparently in Alaska politics and a hard-core conservative.

I’m going to repeat that several times. She is a conservative.

For my right-leaning buddies out there, I realize this is a slam dunk. I’m not a conservative as you know if you read this blog and I’m really not posting this to you guys but more to my brethren who say they will vote for a woman for the sake of that’s she’s female. McCain shrewdly released the information after the eve of an amazing, historic speech from Barack Obama. As a matter of strategy, no one can deny that this was masterful pr move.

It was an amazing display. I’m going to give the McCain camp that one.

On the other hand, why has this entire race become about girl parts?

I wasn’t a Hillary supporter but I respected the experience and the warrior-like strength of Clinton. She honestly set much of the tone for the DNC convention this year and was very much the statesman/woman about the direction of the party. My lack of support for her candidacy had nothing to do with the fact that she is a woman. It had to do with how divisive she has been in the America mainstream over the past 16 years.

But I respect the hell out of her.

With Palin in the mix, I have to say that the whole “experience” thing has been thrown out of the political spin. I’m guessing that McCain knew that when his camp made their choice.

She was the mayor just two years ago of a town that is the about the size of Hooterville Central. Let’s think about that. Let’s also look at what has happened. In Palin’s defense, I’m offended by the VPILF (or whatever it’s called ’cause I’m not linking it) which is so sexist it’s not funny. If anything were to happen to McCain, we would be dealing with a woman, who in her own way, is a game-changer or so the MSM reports but she is still very right wing and has little experience in foreign relations which is a big deal. I am ok about this that she did but that’s basically the only thing I see as she did not do it for gay rights but due to the unconstitutional fall out so let’s get that balanced out. There are also some scandals attached to her (but in all fairness, there is always a scandal attached) but there is one thing bothering me more than anything.

It’s about her being a woman and that being the home run out of the park. Not her experience or belief system but the fact that “Hey, look, it’s a girl.” That’s the selling point that McCain banked on but when did it become a gender race and not a presidential race about issues facing this nation? A weakening economy, a war, a global uncertainty about the United States intentions, the rights of individuals … are these not important things to be discussing?

I resent that a woman is, once again, being used as a gimmick. I don’t like that. Palin, however, knew what she was getting into so there’s that.

For my conservative friends, I know this is inspiring. For me, it’s just another objectification at this point of a female but I also know you dig her politics and that’s cool.

But for those left-leaning people who are just voting for McCain because he’s got a woman on the ticket, I can only say, look at her track record and tell me, is this what you want one heartbeat away from the White House?

Going to look at Bigfoot pictures to get the buzzing out of my head.





Bigfoot Hoax T-shirt

22 08 2008

Because I’m a Bigfoot enthusiast, I’m getting one of these shirts from CNN.

I’m sort of stoked about it. I’ve always like headline shirts being that I write them for a living.

These shirts make me laugh. So I did a little research on them.

  • CNN is turning select news headlines into T-Shirts
  • These American Apparel T-Shirts are sold at cost; CNN is not making a profit from them
  • The idea is: Wear the news you are passionate about
  • You can view the T-Shirt archive here: http://cnn.com/archive/tshirt

That’ll work. I wonder if they have one with the Chupacabra headline on it.





Bigfoot Cop Gets Fired

21 08 2008

Matt Whitton, the Clayton County, Georgia cop who put a Bigfoot costume in a freezer throwing a bit of roadkill on top of it, has been canned.

You can see the video of the story here on CNN.

He says it was just a big joke. But you need to see the video because the police chief is really kinda cool.

Oh, and I want one of these because it gives me a happy.

Also, see Cup Of Joe’s take on all this silliness.

H/T Undercurrent





Breaking: Bigfoot Still Not Found Except …

19 08 2008

So, I’m photoshopping a million pictures today, one which gave us all a great deal of pleasure in Twitter town. Some photos for pleasure and others for work that will help the paper out with mugshots and that SQ and I were also dog-assed tired. I worked in the pajamas for awhile which is every blogger/newsperson/umm … everyone’s dream.

With the sad reality that Bigfoot is still not found (and dammit, after the media circus that I even engaged in, I don’t blame him) I realized that probably the best way I could mourn was with a six-pack of Country Club ponies and some much needed anti-depressants, things of course I had no access to, I decided to go to a softball game.

Yeah, it was for the niece.

So I get there and realized that I’m truly a disheveled mess with wild crazy doglady hair and legs that rivaled Bigfoot but we won’t go there. Yes, I was in shorts. No, I didn’t pay attention as I stumbled out the door to the car nor did I notice them in the car. Not until I was sitting on the metal bleachers, truly did I see the sad and tragic nightmare which happens to many women. Or not. Maybe it’s just me.

Homer, who was sitting beside me laughed as I delicately tried to hide the abomination from the local fire chief who was talking to me today about a fire that happened. I realized that all was lost and was going to end in tears anyway so I just rolled with it.

I get home to find that the planets apparently have shifted with the news that Toby Keith is supporting Barack Obama and SQ’s sister broke her leg fishing. Yeah, these things happen.

To cure the brain freeze that I went through as I have always thought that hell might be cold at this point because it has apparently frozen over, I decided to follow Joe Lance’s advice, wait patiently and pray for rain although he just said wait.

Random and incoherent thoughts for a pretty decent day except for Squirrel Queen’s sister, who is having a rather crappy day.





Bigfoot Press Conference A Bust

16 08 2008

And I guess that is that:

One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum, said Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who performed the analysis.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.





Bigfoot Press Conference Today

15 08 2008

The big guy’s day is today. Will this confirm or deny his existence?

A photo of a jumbled mess of hair, entrails, water and the carcass of a supposed Bigfoot stuffed in a cooler has recently made the rounds on the Internet along with claims that it is the real thing.

In fact, there will be a press conference to discuss the discovery at noon today in Palo Alto. The organizers say that the results from multiple tests, including one for DNA, will be announced at the event.

Two Georgia men, sporting the label of Bigfoot trackers, claim they found the body while out on an expedition in the state in mid-July.

Following the trip and removal of the body from the woods to their home, where they placed it in a cooler, they contacted self-styled Bigfoot expert Thomas Biscardi to examine the remains.

So far, only one photograph of the body has been released publicly, and the remains have not yet been seen by anyone other than the three men and the scientists they hired to do the tests.

Michael Rugg, curator of Felton’s own Bigfoot Discovery Museum, is skeptical. He says Biscardi has been duped before. In an effort to drum up press for another Bigfoot claim, he made appearances on several major news networks without having seen the actual body, Rugg said. It turned out to be fake.

I want to be a Bigfoot tracker.





Bigfoot Photo

14 08 2008

Umm, is that an intestinal tract?

Photo from here via here.

Well, campers, is this real or not?





Bigfoot Body Found In Georgia?

13 08 2008

Holy Moly. Apparently they have found a body of what is called the Georgia Gorilla.

BIGFOOT BODY FOUND – EVIDENCE AND DNA DETAILS TO BE PRESENTED AT A PRESS CONFERENCE ON FRIDAY, AUGUST 15th

FROM 12 N00N TO 1:00PM AT THE CABANA HOTEL-PALO ALTO IN PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA

A body that may very well be the body of the creature commonly known as “Bigfoot” has been found in the woods in northern Georgia.

DNA evidence and photo evidence of the creature will be presented in a press conference on Friday, August 15th from 12 Noon to 1:00pm at the Cabana Hotel-Palo Alto at 4290 El Camino Real in Palo Alto, California, 94306. The press conference will not be open to the public. It will only be open to credentialed members of the press.

I am a credentialed member of the press. Damn, somebody buy me an airline ticket STAT!

Big Stupid Tommy and I will not be available on Friday in statewide celebration of the event.





‘I Was Bigfoot’

30 07 2008

I realize the dart talk is probably driving you nuts but we played again yesterday. It’s a dartcation instead of a vacation. That’s all I want to do this week.

We’ve been seeking out new places to play and yesterday was no exception. We played game after game and we met a big guy named Jerry who spent his career working on what they call around here “the boat.” In other words, he worked a barge on the Mississippi. He was a large man with a bushy fringe surrounding his bald head and he had one of those grins on his face that would light up a room. He appeared to be friendly.

We were talking about how the captains on Deadliest Catch toast the season by drinking duck farts and his eyes lit up. He told us of the time he fell off the boat in St. Louis. He said it was terrifying and he was screaming and yelling for someone to help.

“The captain got to me and brought me back in. I was shivering and yelling. He sent me to a Motel 8 and let me rest for the night,” He said. “It scared me.”

The captain called him the next morning. Reports on the local news were that there had been several Bigfoot sitings claiming that the sasquatch was swimming in the Mississippi.

Jerry smiled, “Yeah, that was me. I was Bigfoot.”

Sometimes I wish my job was just playing darts and getting wonderful stories like this from strangers. That would, I’m finding out, be my dream. I like talking, but listening is so much better.

Later we found another place to play darts. The club was ratty, extension cords lined the walls and there were abandoned jukeboxes everywhere but the dart board was a good one. The man behind the bar wore a toupee that had to be 20 years old. He is probably 70. He said he was glad that “womens” were in his establishment.

I danced with the carpenter who is working on the awning of our building.

I’m learning to appreciate the world around me.





On Being 40

9 07 2008

Okay boys, go here and look at this while I talk with the women.

You gone? Don’t want to freak you out.

As you guys who have read me for awhile, the Ednaectomy is about to celebrate it’s second year. And although Daisy Fae is talking about her girl stuff, I get where she’s coming from.

As a woman in her mid-forties, ineligible for hormone therapy once menopause strikes*, i’m acutely aware of my aging ovaries.  They are my friends.  i try to take good care of them.  Although the eggs nestled within are dwindling in number, and are desiccating and shriveling on a daily basis, the hormones they send surging through my body represent the receding tide of my sexuality…

In other, far less poetic, words: i’m terrified of drying up like so much fem-dust.

Now for those of you who aren’t in your forties, you might not get the whole fem-dust thing, but there is this thang. That thang is that as we get older, there is some odd things going on that can only be compared to being 12 again but not having the stamina to do what I used to do.

The good stuff is my sense of humor is usually in tact. The bad stuff is I get tired, cranky and I have started picking up sticks out of the yard because I might just have to bop someone on the head.

But, you know, the good stuff outweighs the downtimes where you feel like some thing, some larger invisible entity, is throwing monkey poo at you.  The good does outweigh the bad.

It’s a shot in the dark sometimes, but the world isn’t bad. Oh yeah, I get frustrated. I know more than I did even 15 years ago but I’m still learning.

I’ve learned I bend but I do not break.

And being 40ish is pretty much fabulous.

It really is.





A Million Dollars To Find Bigfoot

5 06 2008

Well, I could use a million dollars.

Binocular manufacturer Bushnell, along with “Field & Stream” magazine, have teamed up to offer $1 million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts [including a zoologist and biologist], the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.”

The contest started a few days ago and ends Dec. 15, but before heading out to claim your million, note that the rules’ fine print states that they are not liable for any injury incurred during a Bigfoot attack. A good quality Bigfoot image would make history; most photos are of such consistently poor quality that within the Bigfoot research community there’s even a name for a typical blurry “Bigfoot” image: blobsquatch.

Blobsquatch? Heh.

I gotta get busy.





The GoosePond Swamp Monster

2 06 2008

So, over the weekend I went out to Squirrel Queen‘s mom’s farm. A couple of weeks ago when we were there, her mother mentioned The GoosePond Swamp Monster.

I looked up slyly over my glasses with more than a hint of irritation. How had I not heard about the GoosePond Monster? I’ve know these people for decades and I had never heard this story but everyone seemed sort of resigned that it was a story they had known all their lives and they didn’t put a lot of stock in it.

Umm, I’ve been begging for a life of searching Bigfoot for years and I am just told of our own monster? I’m going to have to get a stick after these people, I swear.

So they told me the tale about a real swampy part of Obion County where weird noises and there was a myth that there might have been a Big Bad living out in the bottoms. (If you are not familiar, wetlands in northwest Tennessee are called “the bottoms” for reasons I do not know other that they are low-lying and usually go beyond muddy. I prefer the word bog mainly because that’ the word they used to use in all the horror comics I got as a kid.)

Then there was the beaver dam incident that I was mightily interested in but that’s a story for another day.

After nearly 24 hours of me pestering SQ to take me out to the farm, she finally relented after I put on my shuffle and started singing songs LOUD in an Ethel Merman voice. She is tough though, it took two hours to get her broken down but I prevailed. If you’ve ever heard Ethel singing “Panic at the Disco” I think you would have given in as well. Yeah, I’m that good (or annoying depending on your point of view.)

Goose Pond is nothing more than just a pond. The top of the water is not as green and covered in algae as some country ponds I’ve seen but it was hard to tell. With recent rains, it was almost impossible to get to it. I didn’t see any geese but there were a bunch of ducks floating lazily on the top. It was initially a little bigger than I thought and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much kudzu.

Apparently SQ’s grandmother, who passed a couple of years ago, was quoted in a story by a local historian about tales she had heard about The GoosePond Swamp Monster, but I’m going to have to go to the library to read up on what she said as there is nothing on the Internet about it. Close by is a huge Tyson chicken operation that always leaves a smell of major yuck so it’s hard to tell if we will be able to smell it. As you know, Bigfoot smells so there you go. Our training in covering mythical beings is limited but you always hear the the big guy stinks to high heaven.

Our first exploration was fact-finding. Alas, there were no facts.

Anyway, I’m on the case with a very reluctant Squirrel Queen.

The truth is out there.





Bigfoot And Barbie

19 05 2008

I love this picture more than I can tell you.

From Ricko.

And I have two of these Bigfoots. Or is it Bigfeets?

One never knows.

I must come up with incredibly groovy things like Ricko.





Gay Bigfoot

7 05 2008

You know when I see the headline that screams Gay Bigfoot, I’m going to go and look.

Legend says that the beast known as Popobawa has been menacing the Tanzanian island of Pemba in his own unique style ever since the ’70s. He can be identified by his smell (reputed to be quite pungent), and also by the fact that he is a one-eyed flying ogre … He attacks only men, sneaking into their houses at night and buttburgling them for up to an hour, then–in an oddly familiar twist to anyone who reads superhero comics–demanding that they tell all their friends about him.

I realize this is completely unnecessary but, hell, that’s what you get here on the ‘tubes sometimes.

Of course, it’s from Cracked on the weirdest mythical creatures ever.





Bigfoot ‘Heard’ In West Virginia?

15 04 2008

Ahh, our friend Bigfoot has been heard. You read that right. HEARD.

While they didn’t see hide nor hair of the beast itself, 20 people taking part in a four-day search for Bigfoot in West Virginia say they found tracks believed to have been made by the elusive creature.

Members of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization’s 2008 West Virginia expedition also claim to have heard sounds made by Sasquatch.

Bigfoot should be a spy for the U.S. Government. He is an elusive fellow.





Bigfoot Awareness Day

27 03 2008

And we post some Bigfoot news

A man who claims that he was molested by Bigfoot as a child was ordered to serve 20 years in prison yesterday for his own molestation-related activities.

Gene R. Morrill, 57, of New Ipswich, New Hampshire, had previously pleaded guilty in Stafford Circuit Court to 20 charges stemming from his efforts to solicit 13-year-old boys over the Internet.

According to the Freelance Star, Defense Attorney Terrence Patton cited Morrill’s mental health issues in seeking leniency from Judge J. Howe Brown.

Morrill reportedly told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report that he had been sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot. Patton said Morrill really believes the assaulted happened.

“I take him very seriously because I know Mr. Morill has issues,” said Patton.

Ya think? Morill has issues?

Don’t be dissing the big guy and bringing him into this. He’s just trying to live a normal life avoiding people, eating roots and throwing acorns at squirrels.

Don’t bring Bigfoot into it.

I deem it Bigfoot Awareness Day.

big_foot.jpg





If I Were On A Reality Show, I’d Suck

17 03 2008

I’ve often wondered if I were on a reality show how incredibly boring I would be.

People would see me in my Chucks or Crocs staring at two computer screens looking at the clock with a squint (which usually means I’m hungry or want a beer) and answering the phone in my everyday-professional phone voice. (Which is what you do.)

So if I was ever going to be on a reality show I’d think I’d have to be unreal. I think that’s how it’s done anyway so I’d give it a whirl. I would wear a leather bustier and the reddest lipstick you’ve ever seen. I would whip (hah) through my day with a sashay in my hips that would knock everyone out. I hate fighting and confrontation although I’m not afraid of it,  but I guess I’d have to pick some drama/confrontation thing for each episode and there would have to be kissing. Lots of kissing although I have my limits of what I’ll do on television although this apparently isn’t a problem on the latest installment of Big Brother which I’m not even watching this year.  I would listen to bands that everyone talks about although I’d much rather be listening to Miles Davis or Johnny Cash.

I guess I’d wear stilettos but I’d fall on camera a lot. Unfortunately, reality television LOVES women falling about. I guess I’d need to drink more often to make it look like I’m Leona Helmsley or something.

I’d quote novels written by Lynne Cheney just for fun. Crap, I’d have to dye my hair. I’m starting to honestly think the bits of silver showing up up above my ears is kinda sexy. (Naa, I’ll keep it.)

I also would allow Mabel a starring role as the dog who is put upon. Homer would have to be in it but she’s so busy although Ace and Bear would demand to be in every scene which could get complicated with the leather bustier. (Dang. I’ve never had a leather bustier. I guess I’d have to wear a superhero outfit. Yeah, that would work.)

We’d wander the streets of Hootervegas and ask random questions. We’d go to the fainting goat farm and then drink Mimosas. After that, we’d head to the local haunted houses and act really scared although in reality we know that the ghosts dig us (expect this one place here. YIKES.)

Then we would all have one of those moments like there was real bonding when what we really wanted to do was talk politics respectfully and eat sushi. Being Hooterville, we’d probably be made to eat meat and three and have the local folks looking disturbed (you know, leather bustier and all.)

But, alas, I’d hate to be on a reality tv. I’m not much of a narcissist.

Instead, I’d want to do this.

jenna__s_zombie_survival_guide.jpg

 This would do. Or this.

Man, I miss Weekly World News.

Screw the telly.





Bigfoot Memories

28 02 2008

Okay, just found this about Bigfoot and I’m mightily annoyed because I want to go on a Bigfoot hunt and I can’t. I think these steroids I’ve been on all week would enhance the experience. And, yeah, I’m off of ’em tomorrow but I can’t help but wonder if I will miss them.

Call me Jose Canseco.

But, I want you to read the last graph of this because this is when I grew up and I was one of those people fascinated with all-Bigfoot-all-the-time. I had all the Bigfoot, Aliens, Ira Levin (not real but you know) and lost civilizations in parallel universe books.

Bigfoot never really went away. Every three years or so, a sighting somewhere in Northern California or the Pacific Northwest causes a stir, and a few mainstream journalists who are facing a slow news week trek through the woods, come back empty and write a story about a bunch of crazy folks who say they saw the creature.

But these little blips are nothing compared to a period of maybe 14 months in 1977 and 1978, when Bigfoot was bigger than John Ritter, Peter Frampton and Jesus combined. If you had a show on television at this time, Bigfoot had to make an appearance. “The Incredible Hulk.” “The Six Million Dollar Man.” I don’t remember seeing Bigfoot on “Little House on the Prairie,” but he must have passed through Walnut Grove once — and he probably visited “Good Times,” too.

I never saw Bigfoot on “Good Times” I admit. But I remember the Bigfoot craze. It was, in a word, exquisite.

I did see Legend of Boggy Creek though. With Dawn Welles of Mary Ann/Gilligan’s Island fame. I always thought she was the sexy one.

bigfoot.jpg

Yeah, my parents actually condoned and guided this obsession. They were groovy that way.

UPDATE: I got some things confused in my diseased, oxygen-deprived brain about Boggy Creek. Two more days of steroids campers and then I might be my normal sad self. Anyway, Pesky sets it straight and I relive Drive-In moments in the comments. 





Potomac Primaries … And Bigfoot

12 02 2008

Long day. You know the kind where you wrap yourself up in bubble wrap and ask other people to pop it because it give one a sense of accomplishment.

And, you know, we love popping bubble wrap.

I’m headed to Nashville tomorrow. This is of the good. I haven’t been to Nashville is a couple of months so, you know, woot. Unfortunately, Squirrely can’t go, but that’s cool. She is a basketball diva right now. These things happen. I only hope I bring enough Stew Tees because, well, it’s sort of a national phenomenon. And I can’t count so good.  (hee)

No. Seriously.

So I’m watching the polls (and Big Brother during the breaks but Tivo is a wonderful thing and I can watch it later) and it seems Barack Obama is winning but I’m still watching the superdelegates because I’m wondering if the whole vote thing matters. Been thinking this since, ummm, 2000.

And, there is this.

Hope to see you. Look at this as it will make you happy and want to frolic through the tulips.

You know how it goes.

I have five Bigfoots at my house. They clean the chimneys and then go out and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yeah, I’ve trained them to be stealth and beer savvy.

I gots mad skillz.