My Ideas To Deal With The Writer’s Strike

18 11 2007

The Writer’s Strike continues, so I guess it’s time for us to face the reality that TV might go into the toilet. The Office isn’t taping, Lost is looking at half a season and other shows are looking at a cold, dark winter.

So, in the spirit of being spunky, I’ve decided that we need to give some ideas to Hollywood in case this goes on to where we are watching “Dateline” every night and I just can’t deal with Chris Matthews or Lou Dobbs (where there is some smoke he’s running for president although I doubt it.)

I’m going to need some Xanax if that happens but I digress.

Our first show would be “What is Hillary Wearing?” A nightly show about the fashion world of the former first lady/New York senator/presidential candidate. Each night, we will look if she is wearing diamonds or pearls. Policy Shmolicy. It’s about fashion, bitches. CNN will cover this television masterpiece by planting questions amongst the contestants who must determine if Clinton is wearing aged coal or oyster hard thingies. And for a special feature, Wolf Blitzer will do the cha-cha for viewers in a tu-tu. Of course, it could be argued that we get this every night on cable news. I guess I’m stealing an idea. Call me a thief if you must.

Our second show will be called “Find The Spoon.” This reality show, developed by Squirrel Queen, is about finding spoons in garbage disposals across the South. The hijinks will be amazing as people look for spoons while trying not to get their hands grinded off and will compete at a mystery location that might be a meth trailer or a plantation. Imagine the fun. Our host will be, of course, Larry the Cable Guy. Contestants will vie for $5,000 and a luncheon with Simon Cowell, right after a Botox treatment. He just might be surly, which will create a world of whimsy for viewers.

Finally, “Milk Your Neighbor’s Pet” which was inspired by tonight’s Amazing Race. To see contestants milk a camel brought me great joy. Imagine if contestants had to go to their neighbor’s house to milk a guinea pig. This would be glorious. Or how about an Iguana. This could be just about as amusing as “America’s Home Videos.” Or “According to Jim.”

***sigh***

It’s best to plan ahead, don’t you think?

Of course, if you want to know what’s going on from a writer about the writer’s strike, check out Ken Levine or Jane Espenson.

I bet they have better ideas than I do but I think “Find The Spoon” would be a blockbuster. Hell, people watched Paris Hilton for pete’s sake.

I’ve still got Ninja Warrior, and that, campers, is indeed something.

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