Worthy Nemesis: Thomas Kinkade

30 04 2008

Diesel at Mattress Police makes me laugh. He needs a nemesis and he has found one.

A great nemesis can’t be an idiot; he has to be brilliant but twisted – someone who has the power to accomplish great things, but uses that power only for his own demented ends. Someone like Darth Vader or Hans Gruber from Die Hard. Or Thomas Kinkade.

Yes, you heard me right. I have selected as my nemesis Thomas Kinkade, the Painter of Light®.

If you’re not familiar with this “artist,” he’s best known as the man who has produced essentially the same painting 8,436 times over the past 20 years. Kinkade-land is a place filled with cottages almost militantly cozy, a place where it has always just rained, but it never rains. There is no sun in Kinkade-land – only an endless panorama of supernaturally illuminated clouds. It is a place where human beings, if they are seen at all, are represented only in the distance as Ice-Skating Boy or Man on Horse, never as individuals with names or identities. Judging from the freakish glow emanating from the cottages, the people in Kinkade’s paintings are probably too busy stoking their fireplaces and lighting the drapes on fire to be seen outdoors.

I’m not a Kinkade fan. To be honest, he makes me queasy and filled all full of self-doubt when I’m eating Ramen noodles. I think to myself “Self, why am I not in front of this fire eating eating a fine brisket and all cozied up while drinking a hot adult cider.”

I’m laughing because I agree. Sorry, if you like him, good for you. Not my cup of tea though. He sort of scares me but you have to give him kudos for drawing the same picture pretty much over and over again.

Although I don’t need a nemesis as I have one or two of those in my non-virtual world that makes my stomach hurt and want to eat gravel, I think for Diesel, this is a fine villain so read the rest of his new rivalry.

Photo from Mattress Police




7 responses

30 04 2008

Thanks for the shout-out! For the record, I don’t dislike Kinkaid’s paintings so much as I dislike him as a person.

1 05 2008

Is he the one that gets drunk and yells at people?
Diesel, your right though, the curtains always look like it’s on fire.

1 05 2008

If I had to paint that rot, I’d be drunk and yelling at people too. Oh wait….

1 05 2008

oh wow… I am not alone in my disdain for all things Kinkade. The paintings, teacups, furniture AND the subdivisions. I normally call it “trailer park art” with apologies to those people who live in trailer parks.

2 05 2008
Katherine Coble

He’s not only the one who gets drunk and yells at people. He’s also the one who churns out so many “originals” in order to pimp up his bank juice that he has three different levels of “original”.

1. The Limited Edition Print
Just prints of his original oil/watercolor painting, but he signs the bottom

2. The Hand-Accented LE
Yet again this is a print of his work. But he goes back through and does “Accent painting” with the actual oil paint. A light here, a swan there.

3. The PissNVeins model
If you want a true certified Kinkade snoriginal, you can pay hundreds of thou for one of these. If you ever doubt it’s authenticity you can have someone scrape off a bit of the paint and have it tested. Kinkade mixes his own blood and urine with the paint in order to put his special mark on it.


2 05 2008

Nas.ty. indeed.
He wigs me out yet people love him.
Well, not us. 😉
By the way, bank juice is now my new favorite term.

2 05 2008

My brain must have been on meltdown last night because I just remembered that a college classmate works at one of his “galleries” in Gatlinburg (you know, where the SERIOUS art really is) – she mentioned a while back what a complete a-hole the guy is – and talked a lot about these strange people that shell out thousands of dollars for this schlock. I told her “I’d rather work at McDonald’s than sell Satan’s art.”

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