The Mystery Method

18 02 2008

I realize I’m slow on the go about some things.

So, campers of the male persuasion, would you really take advice from a guy called Mystery on how to be a pick-up artist. Yeah, I saw the show (15 minutes mind you and that was more than enough) of  “The Pick-up Artist” which was in a word … blech.

Here is what I’m getting from this whole seduction community thing is that if you make people feel guilty by being a douchenozzle, then they will be your special friend? Am I getting this right? Actually, the concept of a seduction community is good in theory “The seduction community is a loose-knit subculture of men who strive for better sexual and romantic success with women through self-improvement and a greater understanding of social psychology.” Not bad, but then you start calling yourself a pick-up artist and it sort of loses it’s Dr. Phil glow, pre-Britney Spears debacle, of course.

Go watch this and then come back here. You will learn the mysteries of Mystery. And what a “neg” is because it’s important, I think. I’m not sure. My brain is in need of a good thorough bleachingmystery.jpg but I do these things for you because I’m a nice person. I’m also kind to kittens.

Oh, and yeah, women are called targets which “she” has to earn. And Mystery teaches you how to fake a conversation.

Priceless.

Jeez, just take my brain out and keep it. Bleaching won’t help.

For $500 a day, you too can apparently learn the secrets of Mystery.

Man, I can save you guys a ton of money and give you a few pointers for $5 bucks. Who needs “Lovesystems” (which is name of the conference. I’m not lying.) Just call mine Practical Tips From Newscoma. You will thank me in the morning.

  • Girls who find out you paid a crapload of money so you can go into a bar and get busy with one of them are not going to be impressed. If you must (or die trying) go to one of his seminars, lie through your teeth about attending. Most women would be more apt for romance if you said “I had a frontal lobotomy, but I’m better now. And I just got a puppy. Want to help me name it?” This will, I assure you, get you some attention. Maybe not the kind you want but there you go.
  • Smell good. Ain’t nothing worse than body odor or smelling like you bathed in Hai Karate. Old Spice reminds most women of their grandfathers. I have olfactory senses that pick this up.  So, umm, just do it for me. I do like the smell of soap. It’s a keeper, man.
  • Ask questions. Not “Have you ever worked at Hooters?” but things about her. Does she like politics, does she think that Poison was a band that promoted social change or does she like cheese? (Wait, that’s just me. You bring me some Dill Havarti and I’m your girl.)
  • Do not call her a target. Trust me, it won’t work. It sounds like you work for a vice squad somewhere.
  • If you ask for her number and she gives it to you, then call her for Crying Out Loud. She didn’t give it to you because she didn’t want you to call. Boys, you screw up on this one. Don’t ask for it if you have no intention calling. And to the girls, don’t give it out if you don’t want him to call. Simple enough for a first-grader, that’s what I give you. I have mad skillz.

Apparently you also need to wear douche-a-licious goggles on your head that have absolutely no purpose and big hats if you go to this seminar and an overabundance of masculine “love” feathers.
Of course, I’m speculating about this but for $5 dollars, what do you expect. My pay-pal is at the right of your screen.

I figure if capitalism works for Mystery, it will work for me.

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15 responses

18 02 2008
Heather

So glad I’m married. So glad I’m married. So glad I’m married.

I think I’m going to go be nice to Mr. Heather for a little while.

That’s my way of saying good freaking night, I find the concept disgusting.

18 02 2008
newscoma

I’m here to help out those single men-folk, Heather. And being that I sent my brain out for cleaning, I’m in an actual coma and not the newsie one I live in.

18 02 2008
Barry

No offense, but I’m just amazed people can’t find better things to do with their TV-watching time than to tune into stuff like this…And, by association, sort of affirm it.

I’m sure there’s an entirely new-to-me subculture out there that embraces this sort of relationship, but heck if I understand it. And I wish it would go away.

It just envelops in a bright glow how neandrathalic the male gender can be when left unchecked. I’m just glad I met my wife-to-be before I ever had to go through any of this…

I’m thinking, NC, just ignore it and hope it goes away…

18 02 2008
newscoma

Oh but it’s fun to blog about though. And, I didn’t watch the show but saw him on CNN which got me all started on this. I guess I should have said that in the post. Yep, on CNN for, wait for it …
Valentines Day.

18 02 2008
grandefille

Yet ANOTHER reason we don’t have cable/satellite/anything other than what the rabbit ears can bring in.

And re … an overabundance of masculine “love” feathers … : I do not think that means what they think it means.

Ahem.

18 02 2008
ceeelcee

So, do you come to this blog often?
You must be tired, cuz someone stole the stars from the sky to put in your eyes.

No wait, that’s not right…

Was your father a thief? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Crap, are we gonna squank or not?

18 02 2008
jagosaurus

I had resisted watching anything to do with this program, but now I have watched the clip your provided and find it to be one of the most unintentionally funny things I have ever seen.

Some Desmond Morris (The Human Animal and The Human Sexes) would be much more useful and much less likely to send one into gales of giggling over the pretentious cluelessness.

18 02 2008
newscoma

Squank. I think that’s my new favorite word. Heh.
I know, funny, yet …
wait, it’s just pretty damned funny.

18 02 2008
Barry

New Valentine’s Card: I squa-squa-squa-squank you!

18 02 2008
jim voorhies

Wow. Five hundred smackers. They need to change the name though. It seems like “Ultimate Douchebag” or “Never Getting Any” would fit better. The lobotomy/puppy thing works, though.

18 02 2008
LeBlanc

I’m sorry, all I can think of right now is the word “douche-a-licious”. This will replace my former “cool word douche derivative”: Douche-nozzle. Thank you.

18 02 2008
gavin

i caught the show once.. i couldn’t believe it.. not so much that they picked up girls, but that guys who looked and dressed like ‘mystery’ did could give guys confidence for going after women. it goes to say, no matter what bs you say, say it with confidence and people will believe. would this be considered similar to a con-artist?..

my wife would have laughed her ass off at me if i had put together a package like they do and set her up as a target.

18 02 2008
Auction software and Tips » Blog Archive » The Mystery Method

[…] I realize Im slow on the go about some things. So, campers of the male persuasion, would you really take advice from a guy called Mystery on how to be a pick-up artist. Yeah, I saw the show (15 minutes mind you and that was more than enough) of The Pick-up Artist which was in a word blech. Here is what Im getting from this whole seduction community thing is that if you make people feel guilty by being a douchenozzle, then they will be your special friend? Am I getting this right? Actu source: The Mystery Method […]

19 02 2008
Sharon Cobb

I just watched the video.

I don’t date men who wear guyliner and have nicer bling than I have.

19 02 2008
W

My wife and I watched every episode. It was our guilty pleasure while it was on. It’s just as stupid as you imagine. Actually, jagosaurus summed it up very well. It was a carnival of the unintentionally funny. That’s why we enjoyed it. And you just can’t miss seeing those guys tear up when they got kicked off. Mystery’s ‘wing-men’ were named J-Dog and Matador.

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