Charla, Drug Cocktails And Lazy-Boys From Yard Sales

8 04 2007

plasticpengiun.jpgSo, in an inane attempt to stop the coughing, as I have already reported that  most of my vital organs have been hacked up over the past four days, we have moved into Anti-Hack drug cocktails. I don’t need no stinking organs anyway.

Of course, at this point they include Miller Lite (ruined water is what Squeegee  Monkey calls this fine domestic. Let us remember, never drink Coors Light as it is yucky. It would be much better for you beer afficiados to drink Milwaukee’s Best if you must or Keystone Light than a Coors Light (of course this is my opinion but I believe this is a mantra that must be repeated. Don’t drink Coors Light. Thank you.) And there isn’t any Bass Beer sold around here. Shut up.

So, it’s a cocktail of some decongestant that SQ gave me, some over the counter cough syrup, a chocolate Easter Egg filled with caramel, a Miller Lite and some Beef Jerky. I’m not going to pull an Anna Nicole Smith as there are no organs left to destroy in mixing these drugs and, I guess, I’ll leave the Ambian off tonight because we don’t want a respiratory breakdown as I do still have my lungs.

So here is my diseased mind’s operations under this beguiling mixture of non-prescription drugs (hey they make Meth with this decongestant. Woot.)  I sit here in my new yard-sale find, a wonderful Lazy-Boy that someone just got rid of so they could redo their den. It’s in great shape, recently recovered but just didn’t fit the sellars mood.

Well, she sold this bitch to me and this chair is now my new best friend! And the joy is that it really is in good shape, no duct tape or staples. Alas, my Easter present to myself.

And I’m watching Amazing Race, which cannot reach the giddy high that it did last week when Charla was in the knight’s uniform. I worried for her actually that the horse she was leading was going to trample her, but once my worry was put to rest, I had to just sit and smile.

Oh yeah, and Mirna (sp?)  is irritating. So irritating that I’m pulling for the Beauty Queens to come ahead of them, who I despised in their season,  because they were the ones who held Charla’s hair when she was barfing Kielbasa last week.

Mirna, how I cannot stand you. Treat your cousin better.

So, as I ramble along aimlessly, you can tell my drug combination has given me a happy. Who would have thought? I should have been a pharmacist. Or a ballerina.

Life has many choices.

Back to watch Amazing Race and cough.

Good times.



8 responses

8 04 2007
Tennessee Jed

Get well soon Newsie! 70 one day and 20 the next can’t be helping your condition.

8 04 2007

Alright, I’m tired of tripping over your organs hacked up all over the house. Get well already.

And I have a new favorite phrase courtesy of Eric and Danielle of Amazing Race… They called their competition “Dirty Hookers.”
And Charla and Mirna are craaazzzyyy. Watching Charla last week eat a sausage that was about half her height in length, watching most of that sausage splat into a bucket as she made room for more sausage and then seeing her in a tiny suit of armor. Television Gold. Gold I tell you.

8 04 2007

Is it wrong for us to laugh?
I think it is.
I apologize for being 12.

8 04 2007

I hate the Charla and Mirna so goddamn much that it would take your breath away if I could actually quantify it.

Let me just say that using a generic foreign sounding accent when talking to people who may or may not understand English is not the same thing as speaking a foreign language. Neither is speaking loud and slow.

It just makes you look like a fucking retard.

Also, the kids and I rewatched the midget in a suit of armor going face first into the dirt at least three times. Laughter is like crack sometimes. Thank you DVR.

8 04 2007

Actually, we did that just because it was funny. I turned the sound off because I couldn’t listen to Mirna one more minute.
And the fight between the taxi driver and her when she kept saying “We’re young girls” seriously made me want to spew.

9 04 2007
If You're Going to Drink Bad Beer... « Tiny Cat Pants

[…] Going to Drink Bad Beer… Filed under: Guides To Life — Aunt B. @ 7:52 am Newscoma spells it out much clearer than I could: Let us remember, never drink Coors Light as it is yucky. It would be […]

9 04 2007

When did you change templates again? I’m freaked out.

I’m afraid you would be tangling with my mom over the Coors Light. That’s all she and my godmother ever drink. Back in the days before Coors was available in Tennessee, they had an in on getting kegs of it over here.

I haven’t been watching The Amazing Race since I don’t have cable any more and CBS (for whatever reason) is not broadcasting it post-broadcast on the site, but I don’t need to. I’ve been reading all the updates on Reality Blurred and elsewhere, and my memory of what a horrific PITA Mirna is is still intact from their original appearance so it’s akin to watching it.

9 04 2007

Lynnster, I have a terrible issue. The new glasses make all the templates run together so I’ve been trying out a bunch of different ones that don’t throw me into a headspin.
These tri-folds are killer and with two different presciptions in both lenses, Yikes. I’m wondering if I should upgrade to so I can actually see what I’ve written.
I had no idea it was such a problem.
Isn’t that bizarre. This one seems to be darker, and the white text on black does help but is not friendly for some of my readers.
As I’m home hopped up on legal cough syrup today, I thought I would ponder it all.

Incidentally, Mirna is a bitch.
Just saying.

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