Pink Kitty Dances, And It’s Beautiful

8 01 2007

I wasn’t going to say a word. Really I wasn’t because, in all honesty, the way people act sometimes just wears me out. Why people have to be shitty to other people to make themselves feel better never ceases to amaze me, and quite frankly, I’m done with it.

But a comment over at NiT sparked several conversations around the web about size acceptance and civility and the issues that women (and men because I know men who go through this too) so many times, are judged by the way we look and not who we are. It also brought up several different reactions from both men and women that I feel shows that there are more good folks out there than idiots.

So far, these women have been more eloquent than I could ever be:

Kate O

Kat Coble

And the lovely and kind Aunt B.

Here’s the thing. I have written in length before about internet trolls who find instant balls by sitting behind a computer where they can tear apart people without looking them in the eye. I’ve also written about treating people the way that you want to be treated not only in life but here on the internet. To say things so harshly and rude not only makes me angry but saddens me. I’ve been a target of it myself and, although it is bruising, I have learned to laugh about it as much as I can.

But it still twists your insides into a million different directions because comments about looks just is so dismissive to the people we all are.

In this post written on a fantastic blog named Sexeteria I can’t help but feel that there are more women and men that get it than those who don’t.

I’ve always been heavy. I just lost a crapload of weight not for any other reason than I was really, desperately sick and food disgusted me. Due to the illness that resulted in a hysterectomy and a bladder sling, I realized that certain foods just made me feel bad so I quit eating them. I went through a lot, but that is another story for another day.

But you see, I’m never going to be a fashion model. Even if I was in size 7, it wouldn’t matter. I am who I am, just like other people are who they are.

But there will always be that little kid that I used to be that had the beauty queen mother and thin sister who didn’t feel like she was a part of things. And those insecurities came from people being very rude and hateful about the way I looked as a child. What was worse is knowing that there are adults who act with the hurtful ignorance of kids who didn’t know better. I guess those kids grew up to be the adults who perpetuate a level of harm and ignorance. What amazes me is that it creates a new elitism of what we regard as beautiful.

And what we don’t

So, I tried to find things to distinguish myself where my weight wouldn’t be what people saw when they looked at me. Be smarter, funnier, more insightful, a better listener, a kinder person, a savvy businesswoman, a better friend, a devoted daughter.

I found balance and contentment but the reality is that people do judge anyway and it doesn’t go away. People judge other people many times on what they see.

Now, in Sexeteria’s post, it was a woman who sparked her post. A woman who took a picture of an anonymous fat woman, placed it on Flickr and then proceeded to make fun of her. Women have to take care of each other or the tower of cards will always fall down. Why haven’t we learned that?

I don’t know.

But, you know, the thing is when people like this make these sort of comments be it on-line or in the real world, they don’t care and that’s what saddens me the most of all.

And, the moral of this story because in the blogosphere, we do personalize what we read and I did the harsh words on the comment from NiT, I am sexy. I am smart and I am a goddess.

And these ain’t just words, campers.

As is Pink Kitty who dances with abandon with her hair sweeping around her graceful body as she moves with the joy of knowing she is sexy. As is Miss Syl over Sexeteria who felt the hurt of horrible words from people who needed to feel their worth by making fun of a fat woman. I do not know either one of these women, but they have made an impression on me.

And, yes, I’m not Twiggy but I am awesome. And if you don’t believe me, let me tell you all about the unique, lovely Newscoma because she is fabulous.

As we all are.

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22 responses

8 01 2007
john h

you and SQ are major babes in my world and in any world with a lick of sense.

Well done, NC. Here’s being smitten right back at ya.

8 01 2007
newscoma

🙂

8 01 2007
Ginger

oh YES! You GO, girlfriend! When I was growing up, I was always the fat girl…the girl who never dated in high school because I was heavy. Looking back at pictures, I wasn’t fat at all…just not a bone rack like many of the other girls were. Know what? It was their loss! My weight has rolled up and down and up and down through the years. Right now I am in the middle of that rollercoaster, and I feel fine about it…I’m curvy & voluptious. So was Marilyn Monroe, America’s icon of a sexy woman! I am pretty, sexy, and vibrant…and if others do not see me that way, too bad!!! I LOVED Pink Kitty’s video–she is a hot, voluptuous, and beautiful. Know what? I’m glad this all happened the way it did with that jackass’ hateful remark, because it has caused us all to look at ourselves and each other, and say, “You are beautiful just as you are.”

8 01 2007
Squirrels On Snark

Beauty is everywhere and in every thing. Those who are so blinded by societal limitations and expectations that they miss discovering the beauty are the ones who are imperfect.

8 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

I’m thin. In fact, I’ve been dangerously thin at times, even almost died. I’ve been made fun of over the years for not having ample breasts (mostly by WOMEN in case you might wonder, the curvy-voluptious girls in high school berated my small chest on a daily basis), I’ve been referred to as a ‘clothes hangar’ and even in this comment section somebody in a roundabout way refers to the thin girls in high school as ‘bone rack”. Do you not see the irony in this?

8 01 2007
newscoma

I see what your saying, BMP. As we are talking about self image, this applies as well however the statement made at NiT was a woman being overweight, thus the post. I even brought in the fact that men go through this as well.

8 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

Well, of course NC. Most of us aren’t perfect and there is something that causes us pain when it’s pointed out and illuminated. And maybe I took it wrong, but how can you be indignant when you refer to others in terms that are equally disparaging? Either it’s okay to say those kinds of things, or it’s not….across the board. Truthfully, this is an issue that I have sensitivites about. I may draft up something to post on my own blog just to try to clear my own demons on this subject.

9 01 2007
newscoma

No problem. Everyone does have their own demons and being that this is a personal blog, this was how I personalized it. As you can see, others did as well. The comment over at NiT is one I would recommend that you go look at if you haven’t already.
And none of us are perfect (not most) but being judged on looks, no matter what the reason is something that should bring people together regarding the issue of being civil (once again referencing the NiT comment.) It is harmful no matter what the size.
The Golden Rule is a pretty awesome thing. The commenter over at NiT was not civil at all.
I’m confused by your “equally disparaging” remark and hope that you will send me a private e-mail so I can fully understand where that came from because, quite frankly, I didn’t get that.
This was a post about a specific incident.
Obviously we can all come together on the issue of being judged by the way we look and not our character.
It’s painful for everyone, I would think.

9 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

I posted on my own site NC, if you care to take a look and comment you’re more than welcome.

My point was that I think it is equally disparaging to refer to thin women as bone rack, as was the whale comment. I’m not saying it was a personal attack, it wasn’t, but it was a generalization, which is where I think your sadness lies….in the fact that the individual isn’t being considered, just what some other person decided based on esthetics. Still, it’s no different. And I should have worded that differently and should have said ‘how can ONE be indignant’, because I wasn’t speaking about you if that’s what you think I was doing. It doesn’t seem that difficult to grasp for me, BUT…I’m thin, or at least was cheated out of curves by mother nature (before surgical enhancement), so I’m obviously sensitive to that. You’re right…there is something painful to everyone. Just because we’re defending somebody who has been wronged, we should be careful that we aren’t (unintentionally exhibiting the same behavior). Otherwise, does it become the pot calling the kettle black?

I’m not an intellectual like so many posters on here are, and maybe I’m just stupid, but I think (or like to think) I’m trying to look a little deeper. It cuts both ways.

9 01 2007
Ginger

BarbieMePlease, you are right, it should go both ways. I apologize for the bone rack comment since it did personally hurt and offend you. We all have our personal issues with whatever society deems as a bodily imperfection. So you are deemed as too thin, and I as too heavy. The point of my comment was that I have finally come to a place of celebrating where I am at this moment, and screw the stereotypes. My hope is that you also are at that place, and if you aren’t you will. Second point is that the names (like, whale, bone rack, whatever…) do not define who we are. I am sorry my point was clouded for you by that one sentence. I would like to respectfully ask about your name…isn’t BarbieMePlease exactly what you *don’t* want??

9 01 2007
Ginger

Also, I would like to read your post. Since your name isn’t linked, would you or NC post your link?

9 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

Sure Ginger. I don’t publically post my site because I have a lot of personal information on it. I see you have a link so I will contact you thru that if it’s okay. I would welcome and appreciate you comments on my thoughts/opinions.

9 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

I don’t see a contact link. NC, is there any way for you to give Ginger my info privately?

9 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

Oh, Sorry I missed the question about calling myself BarbieMePlease. I would like to answer that to you on my website when you get over there if you don’t mind. I really don’t want to take the public flogging I would probably get here.

9 01 2007
Ginger

Thanks, BarbieMePlease…I look forward to learning about you! If you would like to e-mail me, my address is: Ginerator@aol.com

9 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

Email sent Ginger.

9 01 2007
Kate O'

Newscoma, I have not had the pleasure of meeting you, but you are such a delight to read. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

9 01 2007
newscoma

And Kate O’, I’m in Nashville quite a bit.
I look forward to meeting you because I find you quite awesome.

9 01 2007
newscoma

Good Lord, Barbiemeplease and Ginger, please forgive me for not being a good guest but I was at work and missed this interchange. Then I had to work after work and missed a bit more.
Did you guys work this out?

9 01 2007
newscoma

Shit. I meant host.
Crap yesterday was a long day.
Hugs to everyone and I’m going to the corner to hide now.

10 01 2007
BarbieMePlease

Yeah, I figured that out. Something’s wrong with my blogsite though, I can’t get on it at all and I get a message saying I’m forbidden access. Who knows?

10 01 2007
newscoma

I think Blogger is down. This is happening with a lot of blogspots. Or at least that is what I’m being told here at the paper.

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